Big wine retailers following biodynamic principles as cosmos demands to be taken seriously

As soon as I saw the sub-head (Supermarket chains check lunar calendar before inviting critics to drink) I just knew I was going to love this story. The idea is by no means a new one: the taste of wine is affected by the moon. How so? Well, just as the moon affects large bodies of water like oceans, some believe they affect small ones as well, right down to a 750ml bottle of vino. Cosmic.

What is more surprising (at least for this cynic), is that the UK's major wine retailers have now bought into the belief that the day, and even the hour, on which wine is drunk, alters its taste. Believe it or not, Tesco and Marks & Spencer, which sell about a third of all wine drunk in the UK, now invite critics to taste their ranges only at times when the biodynamic calendar suggests they will show at their best.

It gets better: the lunar wine calendar has been published for the last 47 years by a gardening great-grandmother called Maria Thun, who lives in rural Germany. She categorises days as "fruit", "flower", "leaf" or "root", according to the moon and stars. Fruit and flower are normally best for tasting, and leaf and root worst. The theory was put to the test at a tasting hosted by David Motion, a London Wine Merchant. Jo Ahearne, winemaker for Marks & Spencer, is now absolutely convinced of the moon's impact after sampling more than 140 wines over two days. "Before the tasting, I was really unconvinced, but the difference between the days was so obvious I was completely blown away." The Guardian conducted its own tests and reported five out of seven bottles showing a marked improvement on 'fruit days' over 'leaf days'.

Others are far from convinced, as the Scotsman pointed out, "including Waitrose [and] most scientists, who point out that the ultimate inspiration for Thun's calendar is Rudolf Steiner, who came up with the notion after reportedly consulting with spirits, although not of the liquid variety. Steiner, a well known educational reformer, also believed that the moods of humans could cause earthquakes". 

On reading all of this one person was foremost in my mind: 'Randall Grahm', one of the original 'Rhone Rangers', proprieter of Bonny Doon vineyard and widely respected as one of the finest winemakers in California. Here is a man who can happily spend hours explaining each and every natural and scientific facet of the winemaking process, only to finish-up telling you that it all comes down to where you put the magic crystals (straight-up, we've discussed this with him at length). And if his wines are anything to go by, maybe there is something to all this cosmic stuff after all?

More tax on wine

Surprise, surprise: yet another above-inflation tax rise for wine. We won't go on, just to inform you that the Treasury has whacked another 4 pence on a bottle of wine, and 5 pence on the fizzy stuff. As Jeremy Beadles (no relation, we're assured), chief executive of the Wine and Spirits Trade Association said: "At a time when the Government is offering other industries a helping hand it is extraordinary that it wishes to hurt the drinks industry with further tax increases". Quite so Jeremy, quite so. To which we might add: what with having run the pound into the ground against the Euro (hiking up the price of European wine by a good 25%), increasing the government's own 'wining-and-dining' budget from £550 to £800k per annum, they really are taking the p... But we did promise not to go on.

What's in a wine club?

Not alot, according to the Guardian's consumer affairs correspondant Miles Brignall. Just a classic case of sour grapes? identifies three main problems with the endless wine club offers that have moved on from sunday supplements to bank statements and tea-time TV: (i) the 'to good to be true' introductory offers, (ii) the 'book club' style automated repeat purchase and (iii) the domination of the wine club market by Laithwaites/Direct wines, which shifts a staggering 4.5 million cases to some 800,000 customers across its numerous brand tie-ins every year.

Since we're about to relaunch our own wine-club, we have more than a passing interest in this subject. But while it seems fair to question the current status quo, Brignall's article skirted the most important question: just how good is the wine? Taking his concerns in turn it seems a little harsh to question the need for a 'sexy' introductory offer - everyone from Love Film to Fitness First starts uses free tasters as to lure in new customers. As to 'membership', the most important question is how easy is it to (in this case) skip, cancel or return cases? Again, while Laithwaites may be guilty of reducing its font size when it comes to the Ts & Cs, this is (right or wrong) standard commercial practice; there is nothing in the article to suggest that Laithwaites locks people into financial liability for wine they don't want. Its almost certainly easier to cancel a Laithwaites membership than a contract with a mobile phone or broadband supplier, for example.

But here's where the water gets a little muddy: Laithwaites and Direct Wines are behind, among others, Virgin Wines, The Sunday Times Wine Club, the Richard & Judy Wine Club, Bordeaux Direct, NatWest Wine Club, Barclaycard Wine Service, British Airways Executive Wine Club and Warehouse Wines. So what's the problem? As anyone with a simple grasp of neo-classical economics will tell you: market share means economies of scale which means savings for the consumer, right? Not necessarily, this model may work for toothpaste, washing powder and other factory produced goods, but when you apply it to wine it means just that: mass produced, factory-made, 'bulk wine'. Think about it, how else can you fill 800,000 cases (that's 10 million bottles by the way) when you're selling most of it at £4-£5 per bottle?

Sour grapes on our part we hear you say. Not a bit of it: we'll be back shortly with the relaunch of our own wine clubs (like Laithwaites we'll be tying these in with corporate partners) and will take the 'pepsi challenge' with any of the cases sent out under the brands named above, or your money back. Watch this space.